I'm often asked 'what helped with your pain'. Years ago I meant to write a series of posts sharing some notable moments, but life derailed those attempts. Here's another go!
Loving seeing you back and in full flow! I know I've said it before but you're ability to articulate the lived experience is powerful and so appreciated by people that help people in pain.
Love the direct injection of love into the equation and it makes me think of Kübler-Ross talking about primary emotions of love or fear. Fear plays such a big part of ongoing pain. Is it possible to suffer without fear? I'm not sure.
Thanks so much Steven! That means a lot, and I do feel the love. Is it possible to suffer without fear? Now that's a question I'm going to ponder for a while. And can love help overcome some fears? This may sound random but I'm thinking of our rescue dog, Coco, and how far she's come with her own fear since we adopted her. How much safety comes from love? Interesting questions!
Thanks so much, Blair. It was all that love that led me to finally finish and publish this post! I didn't know what I was going to write about when I sat at the computer, and this old draft just found me :) It resonated so much after our GAPPA meetings, too. I'm really glad to have come back to it because I feel like it's regrounded me in many ways!
Appreciate all your love and support my friend! And so grateful we get to work together. X
Your piece also reminds me of an essay I think about very often, "Lessons of Motherly Love" by Regina Mara Schwartz, that I think you'll appreciate. It's on the medical ethics of how "quality of life" is measured, particularly at the end of life (and as you well know, pain is central to most measures of life quality, and its relief is what is meant by end-of-life "palliative" care), and asks if the ability to give and receive love shouldn't be fundamental to any measure of life quality.
Thanks so much, Jonah! I really appreciate you taking the time to read the post, and leaving such a wonderful comment. I've only just clicked on the two caring articles and I am so intrigued and can't wait to dive in! My immediate thought was that it reminded me of the work and words of Rachel Naomi Remen. Her eassay In the Service of Life explores the differences between helping/fixing and of serving. https://palousemindfulness.com/docs/remen-service.pdf
It all also reminds me of a commentary by rural GP David Loxterkamp that touches upon the training of medical professionals to not care too much about their patients. This paragraph in particular: 'What we lose by not loving our patients is the joy that comes from caring for them. And the blunt, painful reminder that mistakes are something more than a system failure or statistical complication. Such recognition can open the door to tender, unguarded listening and transformative forgiveness. What patients likewise lose is the opportunity to hear bad news from a doctor who cares not only for them but about them. This, in a way, forges community, a community where no one needs to suffer or die among strangers."
I look forward to reading the articles you've shared, thanks so much. So grateful to have you here, too! - Jo
Also, if you could send along the Mother Love article that would be great! The writing is incredible...Dark-suit had been sent by White-jacket to speak to me about “the question of life."...
Loving seeing you back and in full flow! I know I've said it before but you're ability to articulate the lived experience is powerful and so appreciated by people that help people in pain.
Love the direct injection of love into the equation and it makes me think of Kübler-Ross talking about primary emotions of love or fear. Fear plays such a big part of ongoing pain. Is it possible to suffer without fear? I'm not sure.
Hope you feel the love being sent your way xx
Thanks so much Steven! That means a lot, and I do feel the love. Is it possible to suffer without fear? Now that's a question I'm going to ponder for a while. And can love help overcome some fears? This may sound random but I'm thinking of our rescue dog, Coco, and how far she's come with her own fear since we adopted her. How much safety comes from love? Interesting questions!
Amazing, Jo. Thank you. There’s no doubt that you love. You must also know that you are loved, by many, around the world. X
Thanks so much, Blair. It was all that love that led me to finally finish and publish this post! I didn't know what I was going to write about when I sat at the computer, and this old draft just found me :) It resonated so much after our GAPPA meetings, too. I'm really glad to have come back to it because I feel like it's regrounded me in many ways!
Appreciate all your love and support my friend! And so grateful we get to work together. X
I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for revisiting it and publishing it. I've been a working with persistent pain patients for 25 years (an acupuncture/dry needling specialist), and I couldn't agree more with you and Lorimer. In the context of healthcare (and my own pain coaching work), it reminds me that, as Alison Gopnik and others have argued, pain is a relationship (see https://direct.mit.edu/daed/article/152/1/58/114998/Caregiving-in-Philosophy-Biology-amp-Political and https://direct.mit.edu/daed/article/152/1/70/115005/Care-Is-a-Relationship).
Your piece also reminds me of an essay I think about very often, "Lessons of Motherly Love" by Regina Mara Schwartz, that I think you'll appreciate. It's on the medical ethics of how "quality of life" is measured, particularly at the end of life (and as you well know, pain is central to most measures of life quality, and its relief is what is meant by end-of-life "palliative" care), and asks if the ability to give and receive love shouldn't be fundamental to any measure of life quality.
Apparently, the whole article is only available to subscribers, but you can listen to a reading of it on the journal site, or I'd be happy to share a copy with you (https://hedgehogreview.com/issues/the-post-modern-self/articles/lessons-of-mother-love).
-Jonah Hershowitz
Thanks so much, Jonah! I really appreciate you taking the time to read the post, and leaving such a wonderful comment. I've only just clicked on the two caring articles and I am so intrigued and can't wait to dive in! My immediate thought was that it reminded me of the work and words of Rachel Naomi Remen. Her eassay In the Service of Life explores the differences between helping/fixing and of serving. https://palousemindfulness.com/docs/remen-service.pdf
She was also interviewed by Krista Tippett about the Difference Between Fixing and Healing, another great listen (or read if you're a transcript reader like myself!): https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/the-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being/
I wrote a post about all this back in 2019 that I just took a peek at again, https://mycuppajo.substack.com/p/healing-and-curing-reflecting-on-the-words-of-rachel-naomi-remen
It all also reminds me of a commentary by rural GP David Loxterkamp that touches upon the training of medical professionals to not care too much about their patients. This paragraph in particular: 'What we lose by not loving our patients is the joy that comes from caring for them. And the blunt, painful reminder that mistakes are something more than a system failure or statistical complication. Such recognition can open the door to tender, unguarded listening and transformative forgiveness. What patients likewise lose is the opportunity to hear bad news from a doctor who cares not only for them but about them. This, in a way, forges community, a community where no one needs to suffer or die among strangers."
I look forward to reading the articles you've shared, thanks so much. So grateful to have you here, too! - Jo
Also, if you could send along the Mother Love article that would be great! The writing is incredible...Dark-suit had been sent by White-jacket to speak to me about “the question of life."...
*care is a relationship